Wednesday, January 5, 2011

7 Months Ago Today

7 Months ago today was the worst day of my life! 7 months ago today my son was critically injured and we almost lost him. It was positively a parent's worst nightmare! I am not sure what was worse, being the one who was driving the car or being my poor husband who received that awful phone call, with my horrific screaming, " please come come help, help me, he is so hurt, I don't think he is breathing, he is so hurt!" My husband has managed the aftermath of the accident very well, I am in awe of him. I admire his strength, his courage and his ability to move forward. It is so very different for me, I am haunted every single day by the images of the accident, of my son laying on the side of the ride fighting for his life. Of the blood coming out of ears and my knowledge at the time of what that meant. I knew, in a mom's sense of knowing, my son can die, oh god please don't let him die, not here, not now. It is not supposed to go like this. This just can not be happening. I could feel it all slipping away from me. He was unconscious, I knew that and yet I kept begging for him to sit up and talk to me, I kept telling him that he was not allowed to do this to me. That he was my boy and that I needed him. I so vividly remember holding him and telling him how much I loved him and that he was NOT going to do this! That his father and I needed him, that he had big plans, big dreams and so many things left to do in life! I remember the policeman arriving and trying to get me away from him and taking one look at his injuries and saying to the other policeman, we need medivac asap! I knew, I knew in my heart what I had already known was true, that he was as bad as I suspected. It was then that the fireman began arriving. They were the fireman from his own fire department. They came to get me to leave him and then they recognized me and then as they put it together that who I was laying over and holding was their own, their "kyle", their 5a7 Kyle, well, that look will never leave me either. The look of heartache was just as real as mine. The chief was the one who was finally able to pull me away from my boy and take me to the police car. By that point my husband arrived, thank god! He was again, a pillar of strength, I was not. I immediately fell apart again. It would not be the first nor last time I leaned on my husband to pull me through this ordeal. They would not let my husband see my son, they needed to get him ready for transport to the medivac area. He was transported and well, the rest is shall I say as much of a nightmare as well. He sustained a traumatic brain injury and fractured his skull in three spots. It was touch and go for several hours where we did not know anything for at least 7hrs. He was listed in critical, and unstable for the first 24 hrs, then critical but stable after that. Although the first 4 days were a rollercoaster and he was not out of the woods till the 5th day. He was in a coma for 9 days, had surgery, was in the trauma center, icu for 3 weeks and then a rehab center and then outpatient rehab for months. But, he is alive and doing well, thriving, and making his way back to himself! Through it all I have had my amazing and courgeous husband. Who yes, did finally have moments of breaking down and losing it. We took turns of holding one another up! I thank god everday for my husband's strength and courage, I never would have been able to do this without him! 7 months ago today was the worst day of my life, but today, today is good, oh so very good. I am so very grateful for what it has taught me about strength, courage, friendship and love. We made it through this because we had amazing support and love from our friends and family. We made it through this because we never gave up believing even when the news was so grave. 7 months ago today and life is good and I need to remember this when the nightmares come, I will remind myself, he is alright and that life is good.

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