Something dawned on me today that made me realize that although he is growing up, pulling away and says that he wants mom to cut the apron strings and let go, he still needs his mom. No matter what age, they will always need their mom! In stages you let go, they come back and then they fly again. It is our job as parents to teach them how to fly. Their whole lives we are preparing them how to fly. When the time comes to let them go and fly, it is so hard, harder than you expected. They are ready, you taught them to fly, let them soar! Today I reminded him about something very little, something that he needed to take care of that he had not taken care of it. He got mad and wanted me to take care of it, I had to step back and not take over. It is very easy to just take it over. I did it, I backed off and said, no, this is your job. You need to take care of this. As I took myself out of the situation, he had no choice but to run with it and he did it and was FINE! We were both fine! He can fly and I can let him and still be his mom!
While washing my hair today my one year old pup got herself into quite a bit of mischief! She is really craving attention since our 15 year old Jack Russell passed away. I was only distracted with washing my hair for about 15 mins. Well, that is all it took for this crazy pup to grab my medicine off the counter, run with it to the bedroom and manage to chew off the top of the baby proof bottle! So much for the baby proof bottle. We need puppy proof bottles! In fifteen minutes she managed to chew the cap and lid off the bottle. Thankfully, I caught her in time before she had eaten any of the pills that were in the bottle. It took me a few seconds of calming myself down to realize that she must not have gotten any of the pills out of the bottle. There were none spilled out of the bottle, she was acting as herself, all of the pills were still down at the bottom of the bottle. I think we were lucky! We had averted danger this time. BUT, now I must look around the house as if a toddler lives here and think of all the things I worry about a little baby could hurt themselves with yet, it is what will this little pup hurt herself with? Who knew??? Puppy proof the house! Crazy day..........
I’ve decided I want to blog more. Rather than just thinking about doing it, I’m starting right now. I will be posting on this blog once a day / once a week for all of 2011.
I know it won’t be easy, but it will be fun, inspiring and hopefully will begin the daily habit of writing. Therefore I’m promising to make use of The DailyPost, and the community of other bloggers with similiar goals, to help me along the way, including asking for help when I need it and encouraging others when I can.
If you already read my blog, I hope you’ll encourage me with comments and likes, and good will along the way. Also, feel free to ask me where I have been if you feel I have been slacking in the writing area! This is one goal that I feel I need a boost in and having someone push me along the way will be helpful! SO here is to writing daily in 2011!
For the past couple of years our Christmas Eve celebrations have grown to be very grand. While so much fun and wonderful, it was quite exhausting to my husband and I. Not only have we increased the number of people who attend our celebration, but we have increased what we serve. It is no longer just dinner and some dessert. It is now rounds of appetizers, many, many desserts, of which I do all the baking for. It was especially hard to get all the baking in as we spent most of our weekends leading up to the holiday away with our son at his wrestling tournaments. Trying to squeeze in the holiday on top of his hectic wrestling schedule was challening, not to mention that I teach at the college on top of my other job and the semester would be finishing up so I would have that added pressure on top of the holiday. The past two years my husband who drives for UPS and works on Christmas eve has asked that we skip the Christmas eve festivities at our home and move them to Christmas Day. However, no one in our families would hear of it. They were devastated that we would even think of getting rid of doing Christmas Eve. It is tradition they would say. You have been doing it for 20 years. We can't possibly stop coming to your house. It is always so wonderful. I could not agree more. Each year I look forward to it but each year it gets harder and harder to pull off all that needs to be done. As our children got busier and busier it was harder and harder to keep up with all the traditions that we threw in our Christmas eve. The evening would not end till about 3Am and then it was time to finish wrapping and put out all the gifts under the tree to only wake up 2 hrs later to unwrap the gifts that were only finished being assembled a few hours before. The next day I was completely exhausted and we would do it all again at my sister's house. I started to think that my husband was right, we should only do this one day, not two! This year I began planning for our festivities in October, buying all my baking goods, planning what weekends I would bake etc. I know, sounds crazy right, but if you had to bake as much as I did, you would need to bake that early too! I began the madness early and I was glad that I did b/c as usual, there were very few available weekends that we did not have something going on that I had a whole day free to bake! Then I found out in late November that I would be having surgery on December 23rd. It was nothing serious, but the surgery would require me to be off my feet and in the hospital till the 24th and afterward, no lifting, driving or anything for at least 10 days! Oh boy! What will we do about our celebration on the 24th I thought? I know, I will cook ahead of time and freeze everything. So I began preparing for doing our holiday that way! Then my sister said, "no way!" There is no way you will be able to do Christmas eve! We will just have to cancel it. I was shocked. This was the same person who refused to consider it the year before. I tried to protest. SHe would not hear of it. So that was it! Christmas eve was canceled at our house. I had my surgery and it all went well. My sister was right, there was no way I could have or would have been able to pull off the holiday at my home that evening after coming home from the hospital. I had stitches across my whole stomach. I had two drains coming from each end of my stomach. I had pain and getting up and out of the chair was painful. It was the right decision but I really did not know how right the decision would be till later that night. My husband arrived home that evening around 7PM. He came home with dinner from our favorite Italian pizzeria. We had all the candles lit in the house, turned off all the lights and ate by candle light. It was just the three of us. Glenn, Michaela and I. Kyle was off at the firehouse playing Santa Claus on the firetruck. He would be arriving at our house shortly to give his sister a gift. It was so lovely, peaceful and quite beautiful to eat with my family. Our lives have been so chaotic these past couple of months. Our holiday is always so wonderful, but it is never peaceful. Tonight was just that, peaceful and I am so grateful for it. It was just what we were craving these past couple of years and we got it! Shortly after we ate my sister and her whole family showed up so they too could get gifts from Santa. Santa arrived shortly after my sister, sirens & all, the peace was shattered by the sirens, lights and the laughter of the kids when they realized that Santa had arrived for them on the firetruck. It was the perfect blend to make a perfect holiday. I may just ask for it again next year....
I have begun to define my life as before the accident and after the accident. I remember a friend that used the term "BC" & "AC" it stood for before children and after children. I always thought it was strange that she would refer to her life in such a manner. I once asked her about that. She explained that her life changed so drastically that her and her husband began to refer to their lives in those terms. Before children and after children. I never fully understood why she would describe her life like that. However, they were married for a very long time before they had children. Life before children and after children, was, well, now so very different! Now, I understand, not in the terms that she described, but in terms of how their lives were so different "before" and "after"! Drastically different is what my life is like "before" the accident and "after" the accident! It is about how life is going along in one direction and then turns in a completely different direction and you did not even see it coming, you did not have time to prepare for it and now, well, you are going to have to catch up and you are now in the "after" phase of your life! I am readjusting to my life in the "after" the accident phase. It is a different path. I can do it. It is "after" and I can do "after"! After all in this "after" the accident phase our path maybe different than what we thought but it could end up being better than anticipated. We just need to readjust to the "after"
I woke up this morning tired, dog bone tired. Getting out of bed was hard, it was like dragging an elephant out of bed, especially because it was bitterly cold! I did not have much sleep as usual. Sleeping since my son's accident has been very hard. Last night was not any different. On top of it when my son works late or answers a fire call I tend to get anxious making sleep even worse. So last night was just a perfect storm to make sleeping non-existent. My son worked the night shift, answered two ambulance calls and to top it off, the temperatures dropped and there was lots of black ice out. It was as I said a perfect storm of emotions for a nervous mom like me. I had finally drifted off to sleep when my son came home from his last ambulance call. He was trying to be quiet, however, he just couldn't contain himself, "ma, ma, you asleep?" He does certainly know his mom! I replied that I was indeed "not" sleeping! I asked if he needed me. His reply from the kitchen (of course what does a growing nineteen year old do at 3 in the morning after answering calls, but eat!) Nah, just wanted you to know, I made the local fire department paper. I am excited, you can hardly see me, but I am in it. Kyle that is great news I told him. Leave the paper on the coffee table for me to see in the morning I told him. I am going to sleep now or at least I sure hope so. I quickly went to sleep. In the morning I looked at the paper and saw a glimpse of my son in that Local Fire Department paper. I could see him. I could see the grin of my boy, my boy who almost six months ago doctors told me may not live through the night. My boy who learned to walk, talk and learn everything all over again. That picture made me realize it is all going to be ok even if I can't sleep. Sleep is going to come again. He is going to continue to heal and recover. When I did finally get up and out this morning, there was this beautiful snow on the ground. The snow made me think that it is time to appreciate all the beautiful, small things in life!
Today I read, "Courage" in one of my third grade classrooms. It was a lesson to help re-launch the reader's notebook. The teacher had asked me to come in b/c her students were having trouble in using the reader's notebook. I thought Courage would be a great book to spark discussion and help accomplish our goal with the Reader's Notebook. The students depth and understanding was far more than what I expected to come out of this lesson & my only regret was that I did not have my flip camera with me to share with others their beautiful & heartfelt comments! After reading the book I modeled by standing up and telling them that last week I had courage when I took my beloved dog to the vet to put her to sleep even though I was so sad and did not want to say good-bye to her. There was immediate reaction from their faces and you could tell they felt my pain and could identify with me about losing my pet. I then remained standing and asked them was their anyone else that wanted to stand up and share a time when they had courage. I was thrilled when a young girl immediately stood up and said, " courage is going to your Grandmother's funeral when you are scared!" No sooner had she stood up when a young boy in the class stood up and said, "Courage is...." & he stops and I look at him, b/c you can tell that what he wants to say is very hard for him. I tell him, it is ok, take your time, he begins again, "Courage is going on after you don't have your parents anymore!" A lump immediately forms in my throat and the room is instantly silent. The students all begin now having courage, after all, if he can share something so deep and personal, the courage to share that in this room with us, then they will have the courage to stand up and share their moments of courage, whether it was about conquering a fear or about facing a loss of a pet or a loved one! The room just kept popcorning with kids standing up and sharing, I just sat back in awe! Way more than I expected, much more in depth and understanding, compassion and warmth! When planning this lesson, I thought they would talk about riding a rollercoaster, learning to ride a two wheeler etc. NEVER did I expect this! However, lesson learned for me, never underestimate students depth and understanding. Something my students teach me each and every single day is about courage, how can I not learn to be courageous I have such great & courageous teachers like them!
Each Sunday the same feelings start to erupt inside of me as the sun goes down. I find myself glancing at the clock as I am trying to frantically race against it. I always tell myself that Sunday is my take it easy day, I sleep late, I do not usually go to the gym, have tea in bed with my hubby and yet I find myself filled with lots of anxiety as the evening rolls on. I find that each weekend goes faster and faster, especially now that holiday time is upon us. There is so much to do and just not enough time to do it. How do I find the right balance? Laundry, cooking, cleaning are the normal weekend activites, now add in marking mid-term papers, getting my final ready, decorating the house, shopping for the upcoming holiday, extra cleaning to get ready for the holiday, wrapping, Christmas cards, making gifts, and holiday cooking. I find myself completely overwhelmed and exhausted! Despite trying my hardest this year to do so much ahead of time, this holiday season has just snuck up on me and I am trying so very hard to not lose sight of the true meaning of the season and not get myself crazy. On top of the normal craziness of the season, it is my daughter's 16th birthday this December. My niece and nephews have birthdays in December and it will be my 20th wedding anniversary. Honestly, I don't think I can squeeze one more festive thing into this month! How do you do it all and stay sane? I am not sure I have the answer. My tree is still not up, the cards are not done, the house is still not completely clean and I have half the mid-terms marked! I seem to not be able to get out of my own way! I have always wondered if an extra pair of hands would help at this time of year or even on Sundays when I am running around trying to get all that needs to be done for the week done. I try to do as much as I can on Saturday so that Sunday is not as stressful and yet, the same anxiety happens to me! Does this happen to anyone else? Are there any solutions to this dilemma? OR, perhaps I need to go to the gym on Sundays and perhaps that would ease the anxiety on Sunday night! Someday, I know it will get better, yes it will, when I retire!
I am living my crazy life to the fullest married to the UPS man & my best friend for 21 yrs. I am a mom of two wonderful kids. My son, a volunteer firefighter and a daugther a Junior in High School. Still trying to figure out how to be a domestic goddess. Working as a Kindergarten teacher, a former literacy coach, and currently an adjunct professor at a local university. My life has been amazingly crazy. Our son is our miracle after being critically injured in an accident last summer. We are so grateful that he is alive and doing so well. We are loving life on beautiful Long Island, NY and appreciating each and every moment!