Today at work I reached my breaking point over a situation that has brewing for over a year now…something I have not spoken about with anyone except the people who are involved, but today, my rubber band of emotions which have been stretched more than it could allow, the band snapped! I had kept all I could keep in, all the emotions of everything I have been through had crept up to the surface, bubbled up and spilled over into a complete MELTDOWN! Full, all out freak-out melt-down…I don't do this, I don't have melt-downs…It reminded me of Chevy Chase in the scene from National Lampoons Christmas when he doesn't get his bonus where he is flipping out and screaming and as he is close to the end, he say's holy sh*, merry Christmas, where's the Tylenol…that was me! I didn't see it coming, someone said one thing to me about the "incident" and all of sudden, I was Chevy Chase, flipping out, spilling expletives out of my mouth in-between utter hysteria…this was NOT me! I don't do things like this! My colleagues came running to me, mouths agape, some saying get the nurse, some asking me to sit down, other's saying, let her have her moment, others handing me water, still others telling me that they would have done this a long, long time ago & what took me so long! However, hours later, I still can't believe this happened to me, yet I do. For one year now there has been some harassment going on at work, harassment of myself and some other colleagues. The incident that sent me over the edge, was a threat to slash my car tires! Really??? I'm trying to teach and I have to worry that my car is being vandalized while I work. Sometimes it feels like I'm living a lifetime movie, this can't be my life! I am a positive, love life person. I don't do sad, I don't get upset, I don't let life get me down! I'm upset I allowed myself to get so upset, but furthermore I am frustrated by the lack of action on anyone's part in finding a resolution to a situation that just should not be! So for now…I will find a solution for me! I will not let this control me..I went to the gym, it took a big pounding on the treadmill, 4 miles of hills….but I finally found my positive again! Ahhhhh! No more Chevy Chase moments for me, but holy toledo where is the tylenol???
Hugs,
21 hours ago
5 comments:
Your reference to Chevy Chase sparked my curiosity and I had to find out what happened. Don't you hate it when you finally loose control over you emotions? I say finally because it seems like you may be a bit like me, looking on the positive side and trying not to let the junk in life get you down. Then out of the blue... bam...there they all are, all those bad feelings and thoughts you tried to ignore or keep at bay. Don't beat yourself up, you are human and as you said you reached your breaking point. It is an unfortunate part of life.
For me the best way to work through frustration and pain like this is to lay it at my Savior's feet and ask Him to carry the load for me and He always does...if I let him.
Hope
The Chevy Chase comparison is such a fun thread through a tough story! I am impressed you were able to write about this while it still must be somewhat raw. I am always appalled at the behavior of adults. I get it when I see it in middle school students, but it is a whole other level of intolerable in adults. I once had a teacher cross my name off a chaperone list out of spite. It is not car-tire slashing bad, but I can still identify with that feeling of being at a complete loss for how to handle something like that. BTW- thanks for your comment about my comments :) I enjoy your blog and would have loved to hand you water today while validating your "meltdown."
So sorry about your day. I feel like there's so much bullying going on in my district as well. I took a one year leave last year, because my husband had to work in Germany for one year. When I returned, they had to give my job to a teacher in another school, who hit another teacher (in front of students). I was so mad. Mad that this crazy lady is teaching KINDERGARTEN, in my old classroom, but more mad as an educator, that this woman continues to teach, and because of tenure, this continues. (I'm now in a new school in my district, and having a hard time with the change). I'm so sorry. I hope you can rise above this, with your positive attitude, and surround yourself with kind collegues.
Oh dear, I'm sorry. Not really sorry that you had a freak out (because sometimes we all do), but so sorry that you've been dealing with such unpleasantness for so long. I hope that things start getting better!
Thank you all for the encouraging words! Today was better..there is of course, no resolution to the situation, however, sometimes you just have to change your reaction since the situation might not change. I will keep plugging along, put a smile on & hope changing my reaction will hopefully in the future bring about a different result!
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